Ode to Mom

Dead World

There is no light in the sky yet the house is awake/ 
The lights are dark yet the voices still whisper/
Voices of anger and confusion slowly take hold/
The only happiness is found in my mind/
Past the heaviest guard in a place my Conscience does not want me to find/
In a place no one but I can ever have the smallest glimpse of its location//

My Mind is a tricky place/
Often I find myself exploring it rather than listening in on the bickering voices/
I find peace and happiness where my Conscience wishes me not to go/
My Conscience is an indifferent thing, always ravaging on like a completely different being/
My Conscience brought this darkness upon me/
Slowly killing me until it drove me mad/
slowly devouring my sanity/
Slowly murdering my mind//

My Conscience took over that which was once free/
Free to explore the deepest depths and most far away reaches of my Imagination/
Making trees into castles in which my royal mind could reside/
The creeks into great seas to explore/
The hills into mountains to conquer/
My Mind was a wonderful thing... until it was overrun/
Until the guards of the castle fell/
Until the seas flowed over/
Until the mountains were burned with fire/
Until my Conscience turned into the thing that was my downfall//

My Imagination hid in the deepest depths and the highest reaches/
It hid from me in the places I knew best... But just out of reach/
It hid so only once I let my burden go could I find it/
It hid, and watched, pained as my Conscience corrupted it's beautiful Mind/
The Mind it had created so carefully/
The Mind it had fed/
The Mind it helped conquer/
... taken from it//

My life was ruined/
It was ruined by the person I hate the most/
By the only person who knew my weaknesses/
By the only person who knew hot to take down the guards/
By the only person who knew how to make the seas over flow/
By the only person who knew how to burn the mountains/
My happiness gave me something to fight for//

I hated myself/
I tried once to kill myself but my Imagination wouldn't let me go so easily/
I destroyed things...houses...crops...... and people/
My Conscience cheered me on from the battlefront but I could always hear the silent sobs of/
My Imagination, hiding just so only I could hear it/
I wept with it, wishing I could only go back and fight for and against myself//

I ruined my life/
I am the person I hate the  most/
I am the person who once hated the world and everything in it/
I am the person who burned the forests/
I am the person who flooded the deserts/
I am the person who dried the seas/
I am the person who hurt myself/
Yet, I am the person who blamed it on others/
I am the person who was cast out, ignored in terms of power/
They thought me hopeless/
So here I stand, alone/
But I am not alone/
My Conscience cheers me on with every house I burn and life I end//

And my Imagination slowly comes home/
With every home I don't burn or life I don't end/
Slowly slinks out of its hiding place/
I can feel it healing the parts of my Mind unkept/
I can feel it burning me with every house I do burn and life I do end/
It is silently countering evil/
Killing him from the inside/
But we both see the end coming/
We both know what will happen//

My Conscience has formed too tight a grasp on me/
It has seen my Imagination out of the corner of its power/
If my Imagination controls my head once more, it will never get me back/
My Conscience has corrupt me beyond repair/
Even as I feel myself growing happier as I try to ignore the voices that follow me/
I know I cannot go back/
But what do I do?/
Leave my Imagination?/
Abandon my one and only hope?/
Let id die in the uncontrolled fires of my Mind?/
I couldn't... I wouldn't.../
...But I will//

My Conscience will force me to stand alone at the last earthly day/
And watch it burn in hell, watch it suffer for the joyful life it gave me/
...And I will e forced to turn my back and leave/
I will be forced to hear it breathe it's last, dying breath/
...And I will be forced to walk away from it all/
But I will not be forced to cry/
I will cry on my own and my Conscience will try and heal my wounds with words of war and death/
And I will abandon it too, forever alone, never to see light again/
And I will sit in the dust and shadows as I watch the world fall/
As I watch the world tear itself apart, piece by bleeding, suffering piece//

I cannot speak of what I will become, but I know it will not be human/
I used to be human though/
I used to suffer their fate/
But my Conscience saved me/
It took me to a better place where I saved those who suffered/
I didn't burn down their houses in wrath but in sympathy/
I did it for their own good//

And my Imagination tortured me/
It led me to believe that it had once loved me/
That it had built a great empire and that I had shot it down in wrath/
But my Conscience had taught me better/
It had taught me not to talk to strangers/
...or was that my Imagination...?/
I can never tell anymore for you see.../
All I speak of has already some to pass/
And somehow...//

...Even my mind had left me/
Alone on this barren world I have created for myself/
... but my Imagination made me do it...?//

Hypocrites

   My message to everyone:
      Don't call people hypocrites! Calling them hypocrites makes you just as much-maybe more-of a hypocrite! You blame other people for your problems and then call them hypocrites when they refuse to deal with your problem! That doesn't even make any logical sense! All I'm trying to say is just shut up! It's really not that hard to keep your personal judgements to yourself! All you have to do is think: should I say this out loud and if I do how many people in this room will get offended?
      If you thought about this before you said anything, you would have so many more friends and so many less enemies!


   

True Friends

   Two of my friends have recently gone through a break-up/make-up. They had been making fun of each other behind their backs and hating each other. It's extremely hard to be in the middle of something like that and not intervene, yet I managed to keep my mouth shut... and came very close to not.
   Anyway they made up and started bonding over 5SOS, (the best band ever!) and hair, but that's not important. The friend that I will admit, I am closer to, would have these random emotional breakdowns so I was constantly going out of my way to keep her from tearing down the middle school brick-by-brick. I was thinking about how much I was there for her and how much other people were not. It's like that day in the sixth grade when I got annoyed at the people I usually sat with, so I moved to the far end of the lunch table. A few of the people I sat with moved with me but the ones that I got annoyed at stayed where they were and began to make fun of me behind my back. 

True Friends:

Friends are our dearest possessions and our greatest weaknesses

They have their bright sides and the sides you wish you never knew about

But friends are always there fro you for one, ultimate reason:

They Believe In You

They wouldn't be your friends if they didn't 

A true friend doesn't have to be told when you need them most

A true friend passes the test by knowing when you need them most by your actions alone

Untrue friends will wait for your cue because they don't believe in you

So choose your friends wisely and make sure you know you won't have to tell them to support you because

THEY WILL BELIEVE IN YOU

Mentality

    At church today we we're talking about patience, and the blessings that come with it. We were called on to give examples and I talked about how living with a deaf, speech impaired seven-year-old girl greatly tried my patience. 
   The leader noted that we all have trouble dealing with people and even the people we love can get annoying at times. I thought about this on the way home and how it greatly effects our mentality.
   When I arrived at my house I sat down at my desk, grabbed a post-it and the nearest pen-which happened to be green-and scribbled this down:

     Mentality:

Being with people can be hard but

being alone is worse